So this past friday was our first meeting with Margo, our social worker. She is the one compiling our Home Study. She is funny, blunt, and we like her! It's nice working with a Christian organization that is like-minded in our efforts.
It was a 2 hour couple interview and we each had a 10 minute individual interview with Margo. She went through fees and when they're due, possible situations and scenarios to be prepared for, and discussed our preferences and what we are/are not willing to accept.
We filled out our paperwork for the police background checks and child neglect/abuse checks. Next step, getting our fingerprints done at a police station, and getting them turned in.
Next step after that, our First InHome Home Study visit--March 31st. Margo will come to our home, she's promised not to do a white glove inspection.
Talking with my dad yesterday, he was asking general logistical questions about how this is all going to work. And I came to the realization that, I know nothing-----and I'm good with that! I don't know what color skin our child will have. I don't know how God is going to work out the financing for this $14-35,000 adoption. I don't even know where in that ballpark the sum will fall. I don't know how long it will take.
All I know are the fundamentals on which I take every breath 1) God is Supreme and intimately involved in my life(because He chooses to be), 2) I L-O-V-E Him incalculably, 3) Jesus name is the trump card higher than ANY Earthly situation, 4) He called us to this purpose and created us WITH this purpose in mind and, 4) He will work out the details and I need not worry. This is HIS WILL, HIS CHILD, HIS CALLING, HIS TIMING, HIS FINANCING, and I have zero control. And there's no other situation I'd rather be in. I'm so glad we didn't win Publishers Clearing Houes last month! I want to be in the place where I recognize I'm inadequate without the Savior. I don't have what it takes emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially to pull this adoption off. We are inadequate and it's a huge calling and responsibility. So, the pressure is off of me and Paul if we just walk in His will. It's a very very simple principle but walking in it is so refreshing and reassuring.
There is this beautiful image that keeps popping in my head of me standing on the edge of a cliff, so high in the sky that the clouds are below the cliff drop-off. And I can see that there are storms in the clouds below. And where I am I can see the sun setting over the clouds. And I turn my back to the storms below shuffle my feet to the edge of the cliff, close my eyes, and fall backwards off the cliff. (That's sort of what this journey feels like) But just when I begin to feel the feeling of falling, you know like the"roller-coaster-that-gets-your-stomach-feeling", I am gently caught in the giant and suprisingly soft hands of God. He's there. He catches me. And I put my hands down at my side to feel the skin on which I rest.
He's here. While I type this blog post. The reality is He is MORE present in this room (in your room while you read this) than I am. Now, that is a relaxing feeling.
amy, like i said before, if you have any questions, i'd be happy to attempt to answer them. your social worker is probably informing you of all these things but in figuring out your acceptance factors, especially with substance issues, otispregnancy.org is a great resource to figure out what you are ok with. they also have a number you can call to dialogue with someone. they are very knowledgeable and thorough. it's a big help to the adoptive parents i work with. it's a lot to weed through as you know.
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