The other day while talking to a friend, she was telling me about her miscarriage. And it hit me like a ton of bricks, "That is why this adoption biz hurts so much!"
Having experienced a miscarriage, I can say it definetly is rough. Your body violates your trust in the worst possible way and causes a pain that words can't really pinpoint.
But the other day while listening to this woman describe what went on with her miscarriage, it hit me...every situation that we may "possibly" adopt from that doesn't pan out, is the equivalent of a miscarriage.
They can happen several at a time, and the "hope" of bringing this child into your family can last for a few/several weeks, possibly even months. All the while planning your nursery, what it will be like, what it will look like, hope building daily, with the heart wrenching possibility lurking in your mind that "it may not happen". And then when it goes downhill, you're left feeling empty and almost violated.
You don't want to hear of others "happy endings" because you need to process and allow yourself to grieve in a healthy, natural way. There will inevitably be tears, possible depression, a void left in your heart, and a physical toll. And you must heal! It's a process.
The reason this has impacted me so much more than my miscarriage ever did, is because there are several back to back and several at the same time happening. No wonder I'm a wreck. I'm having to heal from about 11 "miscarriage-like" situations that happened in a matter of 3 months. Some simulataneously!
Nothing else to say. Just had a mini-lightening bolt moment. :-)
(I promise the sad posts won't last much longer, hopefully)
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